Feeling trapped – how to escape the Cage

Feeling trapped – how to escape the Cage
Are there times when you feel stuck, trapped in a cage? Maybe it’s a feeling you only get now and again, or for some, you may experience this for longer. Either way, the good news is there are ways to shake it, and give yourself a greater experience of freedom.  
 
The place to start is to recognise that this is part of the human condition. Its not just you, this is more common than you know.. We have all experienced this feeling of being trapped from time to time. If there’s an exception to this rule, well, I have yet to meet that person. Not everything goes our way.  Hey, life is beautiful but it can also be hard sometimes.. 
 
What is important is to calmly look reality in the eye. There’s something special about starting with just dealing with the way things are, and not dwelling painfully on how they should have turned out. When you stay with reality, when you are really present, you get greater clarity about what is actually going on.. You can then bring the situation into your sphere of influence and control.. When you have the clarity to see what you can actually change and what you cannot, your precious time and attention can be more wisely directed, and you have the greatest opportunity to move forward.

If you’re thinking though is caught up with ‘how it should be’, ‘how it could have been’, ‘why its unfair’.. and the emotions that go along for the ride with these thoughts..  you’ve taken yourself out of the game. You can’t change the present when your head and heart are stuck in the past or the future. 

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

— Reinhold Niebuhr

If you are feeling trapped, caged, stuck – turn your attention to the thoughts you are thinking and the emotions you are feeling. Are the thoughts helpful? Are they grounded in fact or opinion (really challenge yourself here!). Name your emotions, get curious about them – what need are the flagging?  Notice your emotions as simply bodily sensations wired to the way you are perceiving and thinking. Then move your attention to the present, to the reality of the situation. 
 
From there, write down what’s within your control, what you can influence and what there is to simply accept. This really helps to unbind, to loosen the grip of the thinking and emotions that simply are not proving useful to you, that are giving rise to this sense of being stuck. 
 
With the mental space that this creates, now identify the simplest first step, the easiest action you can take to move forward. Make it so simple you can’t talk yourself out of doing it. 
 
Now, take it! 

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity”
— Amelia Earhart

Action cuts mental ropes, dissolves the cages of unhelpful thinking. And these do not need to be big actions, the simple ones do the same. So start.. and don’t worry, you’ll find the momentum to continue once you’ve started. Just take the first simplest step.

And I’m not saying you do not have real difficulties to deal with.. life has real challenges, as we all know..  What I am saying is this – for the best chance of some peace of mind and ability to move forward –  distinguish between what you can tangibly change, and the unhelpful thinking that robs you of taking the actions that count. Often it’s our thinking that is keeping us stuck.

But not everything can be changed, and it would be naive to think otherwise. Some challenges are deeply difficult. If there is very little you can do about a situation, the one thing you do have a say in is your attitude towards it, how you perceive it. Perhaps there could be meaning you could choose to find in the challenge life is presenting.  

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

So if you are feeling trapped.. turn the camera onto your thinking and your emotions.. notice the behaviour that follows from these. Anchor yourself in the present. Separate the cage of thinking from the realities at hand. Identify what can be controlled or influenced, and choose to accept the rest. Look for meaning in who you choose to be, and how you choose you respond. See the actions that you can actually take. Pick the smallest first step forward that would support you, and take it. 

 

Before you tackle the challenge, challenge your thinking. Perhaps the bars of the cage aren’t all as real as they might first have seemed…  find meaning in what’s before you.. stand tall.
 
Now, step out of the cage..

 

— Brian Morrow

www.morrowcoaching.com